SFX "Langford" Column Index

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SFX, supposedly the world's bestselling magazine about sf, was launched in June 1995. Every issue so far has contained at least one Langford column. If you enjoy the samples linked from this page, I urge you to buy the Collected Edition: The SEX Column and other misprints. This is complete to March 2005, with many added corrections, comments, afterthoughts, additional SFX features and even an index.... Dave Langford

2008

#167, March: Brief Encounters -- rubbing shoulders with the famous

#166, February: You Can't Do That! -- a tale of two Unauthorized Companions

#165, January: Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Wretches-- a title which is surely self-explanatory

2007

#164, Christmas: Odd Volumes-- ramblings about unusual book packages

#163, December: Ultraman Rules-- the more or less obligatory 2007 Hugo report

#162, November: Potterdammerung -- positively the last appearance of a certain boy wizard

#161, October: Have You Ever Kippled? -- on the true origins of a famous sf word

#160, September: The Torture Never Stops -- back to that perennial theme of sf-phobia and sf denial

#160, September: A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin -- additional "SFX Book Club" feature

#159, August: Conan the Librarian -- another clash of titans: Stephen Baxter vs. my dwindling shelf space

#158, July: Poo-tee-weet! -- farewelling Kurt Vonnegut

#157, June: Free Reads -- how to waste even more time on line

#156, May: Glory! Glory! -- SF, terrorism and Mr Justice Cocklecarrot

#155, April: All Must Have Prizes -- the 2007 awards season gets under way

#154, March: Xenolexicography -- revisiting the OED's researches into SF words

#153, February: Seventy Years On -- on the UK Eastercon tradition, with a thinly veiled plug for the replacement event thrown together when the 2007 convention collapsed

#153, February: The Stars My Destination by Alfred Bester -- additional "SFX Book Club" feature

#152, January: The Trouble With Harry -- more about writing for corrupt personal gain

2006

#151, Christmas: John M Who? -- yet another memorial column

#150, December: The Eyeballs of Thog -- not for those of a nervous disposition (this means you, Claire Brialey)

#149, November: Product Placement -- on naming names, and the Tucker Technique

#148, October: The New Reality TV -- on the displeasures of a chronoscope

#147, September: Blurbismo Revisited -- the spicy secrets of Miss Belinda Blurb

#146, August: It's the Law -- Langford's Law says that desperate men end up writing columns like this

#145, July: Lost in Translation -- how much of a book makes it into the film version?

#144, June: Better Than Jet-Packs -- nostalgia for the only sensible way to travel

#143, May: Encyclopedia of Madness -- the SF Encyclopedia rides again

#142, April: Pride and Prejudice -- "As Others See Us" revisited

#141, March: Again and Again -- more memories: Sheckley and Bulmer

#140, February: Ask the SEXperts -- shallow mockery of a revered institution

#139, January: Ring Out The Old -- (some of) the sf people we lost in 2005

2005

#138, Christmas: Bah! Humbug! -- seasonal Santa-ism

#137, December: The Chronicler of Narnia -- extra feature; the editor made me do it

#137, December: Glasgow Snapshots -- further Worldcon memories

#136, November: Britannia Rules -- more trumphalism at the World SF Convention in Glasgow

#135, October: First Thursday -- London meetings and London bombs on 7 July

#134, September: The 64-Square Madhouse -- chess in sf

#134, September: Back to the Roots -- additional feature for "advertorial" on fantasy fiction

#133, August: Eye of the Beholder -- another compendium of those ever-popular, ever-irritating "As Others See Us" lines

#132, July: Rule Britannia -- the Brit-infested Hugo shortlist; also, John Brosnan's death

#131, June: Confound Their Politics -- politicians' names dropped in sf

#130, May: Retro Wars -- flashing blades in space

#129, April: Farewell, Kelly Freas -- another good man gone

#128, March: Note That Foot -- unlikely footnotes and indexes

#127, February: Centenaries and Things -- looking back to 1905

#126, January: As Others See Us -- more outsiders' attitudes to that horrid sf stuff

2004

#125, Christmas: Secret Histories -- Retro Hugos and a plug for Peter Weston

#124, December: I Was a Dunnikin-Diver -- yet another Discworld convention

#123, November: Who Owns Your Name? -- cybersquattery and corporate naughtiness

#122, October: Crimewatch! -- sf ghosts in the world of thrillers

#121, September: Interzone -- Goodbye and Hello -- the old order changeth, yielding place to new ...

#120, August: Bibliography Blues -- in search of the Original Shaggy God

#119, July: Then and Now -- the changing face of sf clichés

#118, June: Flounder Is Critical -- highly promotable new authors and wordmills

#117, May: Copyright, Copywrong? -- ditherings about intellectual property issues and the Ellison/AOL lawsuit

#116, April: Censored! -- persecution by filthy-minded software

#115, March: Down the Rabbit Hole -- recursive fantasies

#114, February: The Editator: Judgment Day -- the unnatural vice of self-anthologization

#113, January: Going, Going ... -- more farewells: Eshbach, Clement

2003

#112, Christmas: The Long Goodbye -- farewell to the Earthlight imprint

#111, December: Torcon Memories -- Langford at the Toronto Worldcon

#110, November: Bottoms Up! -- strange tipples in sf and fandom

#109, October: Retro Chemistry -- Oliver Sacks and memories of One Thousand and One Edifying Stenches, Bangs and Toxic Fumes for Boys

#108, September: Pressed to Death -- small presses; once again, the latest state of play

#107, August: Bits and Pieces -- "time to catch up on some traditional Langford hobby-horses", in particular the #105 attitude and Margaret Atwood

#106, July: Glittering Prizes -- meandering through the SF awards scene

#105, June: Wriggling on the Hook -- this column is not science fiction, oh no, but imaginative speculation set in a hypothetical future, which is different

#104, May: Hornblower in Space -- nautical derring-do amid the interstellar tides and solar wind

#103, April: Slice of Life -- the lucrative Hobbit lampoon that, in the end, I didn't write

#102, March: Words, Words, Words -- weird sf words and names

#101, February: Banned! -- censored sf and fantasy

#100, January: Royal Telegram -- looking back, and the Curse of Langford

2002

#99, Christmas: Nostalgia Time -- or, The Physics of Biggles

#98, December: Lemony Who? -- latest in this Series of Unfortunate Columns

#97, November: At the Vampire Ball -- another Discworld convention

#96, October: What Happened Next? -- the bits that arrived too late for past columns

#95, September: Here It Comes Again -- run! run! another Glasgow Worldcon!

#94, August: Rubber Science -- in which, idly nitpicking at scientific anomalies in SF, Langford terminally embarrasses himself

#93, July: Getting Together -- memories of Knight, Cowper and the Milford conferences

#92, June: Laugh With Lafferty -- another farewell: R.A. Lafferty

#91, May: At the POD Races -- update on small press and Print On Demand hassles

#90, April: Fanthorpe Forever -- reporting from Lionel F's Jubilee event

#89, Spring: Wanted Dead or Alive -- terrorist figures in sf, gosh how very topical

#88, March: Flat Earth Societies -- Flatland and mathematical sf

#87, February: The Last Kirby -- farewelling Josh Kirby

#86, January: Looking Backwards -- on finding sf fandom when I were but a lad

2001

#85, December: Real Life -- impossible not to write about 11 September

#84, November: Wild Scrod (Anagram) -- writing a second Discworld quizbook

#83, October: Guesting in Moominland -- Langford goes to Finland

#82, September: Sign Here -- the terrors of autograph sessions

#81, August: This Title Was Different -- mysterious book title changes

#80, July: Fame At Last -- bogglement at the 2001 Hugo shortlist

#79, June: Lepermage of Elfspasm -- secrets of creating fantasy titles

SFX Collectors Edition: The Best Sci-Fi and Fantasy in the World Ever! May: Top 20 Feature -- a stab at listing the very best

#78, May: The CD Shelf -- my non-musical CD collection

#77, April: Your Name In Lights -- routes to lasting fame

#77, April: Small Press Gang -- extra small-press review feature

#76, Spring: The Bottom Line -- accountancy-driven publishing

Lord of the Rings promotional supplement, Spring -- feature article "Tolkien: Lord of the Royalties"

#75, March: Rare Book Department -- rarities by John Sladek and others

#74, February: Langford Meets Swamp Thing -- a guest trip to Florida

#73, January: A Nice Derangement of Epitaphs -- mixed remembrances of Keith Roberts

2000

#72, Christmas: Old Moorecocke's Almanack -- predictions for 2001

#71, December: Ask Uncle Agony -- implausible readers' letters

#70, November: Dream Libraries -- repositories of imaginary books

#69, October: Putting the Pot in Potter -- you can't ignore J.K. Rowling, however hard you try

#68, September: Bringing Them Back Alive -- too many sf characters are dead but won't lie down

#67, August: It's a Fix-Up -- how to write like A.E. van Benford

#66, July: Choose Your Own Column! -- multiple-choice madness

#65, June: One of the Funniest -- remembering John Sladek

#64, May: Nomad of the Time Streams -- on Michael Moorcock

#63, April: E and Me -- the amazing e-publishing revolution, or not

#62, March: Deep Science -- that is, deeply crappy science in sf

#61, February: 1% Inspiration, 99% Perspiration -- where do sf authors get their crazy ideas?

#60, January: Games Fans Play -- varyingly irresponsible sf party games

1999

#59, Christmas: What the Dickens? -- Scrooge meets Thog

#58, December: The Last White Papers -- James White remembered

#57, November: Unclean! Unclean! -- writers who desperately insist their sf efforts aren't nasty old sf

#56, October: Remembering Anode Enzyme -- the late cartoonist John Glashan's sf weirdness

#55, September: Judge Not ... -- another tepid Arthur C. Clarke Award controversy

#54, August: The Naughty Parts -- smuggling rude bits into sf

#53, July: Will U Kindly F O? -- the sf view of ufology

#52, June: The Book of Joshua -- doing the text for Josh Kirby's new art book

#51, May: Shape of Things to Come -- talking about shapeshifting in fantasy

#50, April: Fan Scene -- thoughts after Vince Clarke's death

#49, March: Ringing the Changes -- get out of that plot rut

#48, February: Cautionary Tales -- the dark side of the farce as things go wrong on a US convention trip

#47, January: Writing by Numbers -- generating sf stories with computers and advanced Artificial Stupidity

1998

#46a, Christmas: Tracking Down Santa -- highly literary contribution to an additional Christmassy feature in this issue

#46, Christmas: Future Christmas -- doing the time warp to examine hangovers 50 years hence

#45, December: Good Stuff -- a few words about some neglected authors I rather like

#44, November: Fifteen Point Oh Eight -- more regrettable Hugo gloating

#43, October: Bottom of the Barrel -- running out of inspiration, Langford desperately quotes from The Eye of Argon

#42, September: Old and Unwise -- SF's ancients

#41, August: What's In A Title? -- book titling/retitling mysteries made less clear

#40, July: Set Phasers to `Spoof' -- skiffy parodies revisited

#39, June: The Kink in Space -- sensitive reappraisal of the Gor books

#38, May: Naming Names -- the old Langford hobby-horse of character names, appropriate or otherwise

#37, April: Is Discworld Literature? -- according to the British Council it nearly was, but ...

#36, March: The Science of Cashing In -- in the footsteps of The Science of Star Trek etc, a new look at Tolkien

#35, February: Desert Island Books -- convention panel silliness

#34, January: Things To Do in Docklands When You're Dead -- at the 1997 World Fantasy Convention

1997

#33, Christmas: Take Me To Your Picard -- on translation and Hofstadter

#32, December: The Numbers Game -- gloating over shelves of Hugos (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#31, November: The Critic on the Hearth -- the war between authors and critics (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#30, October: The Oops Factor -- silly sf science (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#29, September: The Authorized Version -- the gulf between what they wrote and what you see on the page (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#28, August: It's Big! It's Dumb! -- a round up of sf's Big Dumb Objects (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#27, July: My Fantasy Life -- the horrors of working on The Encyclopedia of Fantasy (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#26, June: Wells: Behind Closed Doors -- sidelights on H.G. Wells's life (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#25, May: Curse of the Typo -- hideous consequences of one or two scrambled letters (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#24, April: Been There, Stole That -- blatant literary thefts (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#23, March: Nine Secrets of Stichomancy -- how to write a short story in a morning (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#22, February: Read My Lips -- about MIT Press book on HAL 9000 (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#21, January: Second Childhood -- on J.P. Martin's "Uncle" books, now a free read at Infinity Plus.

1996

#20, Christmas: Blurbismo -- who writes sf blurbs, anyway? (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#19, December: Hugos There? -- weirdness and follies of sf's top awards (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#18, November: The Case of the Red Planet -- the current fad for Mars as a setting (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#17, October: Random Fandom -- some of those esoteric fan terms misdefined (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#16, September: Big Bang Theory -- sf superweapons (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#15, August: So You Want to Be a Reviewer? -- tricks of the trade (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#14, July: Look at the Evidence -- on John Clute as critic (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#13, June: Stuffed With Large Insects -- strange meals in sf (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#12, May: Wreath of Stars -- Bob Shaw remembered (expanded for publication elsewhere)

#11, April: On the Circuit -- sf convention guest horrors (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#10, March: Crosstalk -- allusions and cross-references in sf (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#9, February: The Lid Ripped Off! -- a Langford interview

#8, January: Hell's Cartographer -- farewelling Sir Kingsley Amis

1995

#7, December: Visit Sunny Mordor! -- on The Tough Guide to Fantasyland (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#6, November: Noises Off -- a cacophony of sf sound effects

#5, October: Badgered to Death -- Lionel Fanthorpe and Badger Books (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#4, September: Fandom As She Is Spoke -- a few words about fan jargon

#3, August: We Told You So -- sf and prediction (collected in Pieces of Langford and The SEX Column)

#2, July: Awards Fever -- on current sf awards

#1, June: The Book on the Edge of Forever -- telling the old, old story

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